The Useless Deadpool Fanfiction
by giantgnat
Summary: This is a fanfic. A useless one. No dramatic plot and wooing romance for this writer! Only someone as useless as me can write something so useless. So... Deadpool hangs around, gets occasionally bitten by dogs, kills the random ninja and takes time to chillax. With style.
1. Bitten By A Lil' Doggy

The first thing I noticed was that there were no yellow and white boxes.

The second thing I noticed was that I was in writing.

The third thing I noticed was that WHY THE HELL DO I SOUND SO PRISSY!?

**Calm down.**

_Yeah, let's just sit down._

"What happened to the little box thingies? And where are the speech bubbles?!"

**We're in a fanfiction, genius.**

_Yeah, I knew that._

**Yeah, as if.**

_Hey, you calling me a liar?_

"SHADDUP YOUR FACE!" I yelled, "And why was there an 'I yelled' between my speech?"

**How should I know?**

_Did you fart?_

"No. Hey, did any of you fart?! This place reeks!"

**Maybe it was the writer.**

_Hey, genius, you didn't tell the reader where we are!_

I have to tell them that?

_Yeah._

Like a description?

_Yeah._

SoIwasinawierdplacewithoutspeechbubblesoranyotherc omicstuffanditwasrealwierd.

How was that?

**You forgot to space.**

_Not that any of it mattered._

Oh okay, I'll say it. We were in a small room.

There.

**You didn't say the wallpaper was green.**

_Or that there was a dog biting your leg._

I looked down and yeah, there was a little doggie eating my leg. So cute.

_Little doggy? It was a Rottweiler!_

Hey, I'm the one narrating right?!


	2. AIM Dogs Are Worse Than Normal Dogs

"SO, I'm back loyal readers! And my new pet Rottweiler who I've decided to name Bone is still chewing on my leg bone!" Shrieked Deadpool when he saw the reader.

**Firstly, the writer published the new chapter pretty soon after the first one, so I don't even think any 'loyal readers' had to wait for this one. **

_And that horrid dog isn't our pet… is it?_

"No, Bone's MY pet!" Deadpool corrected his inner voice, "And you know, this mid-speech interruption's getting kinda old and annoying."

**Did anyone notice that 'Bone' has a collar that says A.I.M?**

"… Of course I noticed it."

_Aw crap. WHY does every writer like getting us whupped?_

"Must be a literary thing."

Then, the small room was ripped as a small army of AIM elite soldiers stormed in, led by a guy Deadpool was sure was the guy who played Batman in Dark Night Rises, but smoking a cigar, and wearing a yellow jumpsuit.

"I just noticed! This chapter is written in third person!" Yelled Deadpool.

**Maybe the Author doesn't want to write from the viewpoint of someone about to feel a lot of pain?**

"That's not very _comforting_…" Whined Deadpool.

"Bring him down!" Barked the Dark Night Rises Batman actor playing AIM high ranked soldier.

And so, with a dog stuck on one leg, he faced the bunch on AIM thugs.


	3. Hit by the road

The first few agents thought this would be easy.

They were so wrong.

As they fired at the mad mercenary, he teleported behind their lines, and started shooting at them with his Ak-47.

"Hey! I have an Ak-47?" Said Deadpool, surprised.

**Yes. Yes you do.**

_Say thanks to the author…!_

"Why? He's the one who put me in this misery in the first place!"

While Bone was very intent on chewing his leg off, Deadpool was still able to move. That was good. It helped him dodge the leader's pew pew gun.

"Pew pew gun! I love pew pew guns!" He yelled gleefully.

**Wasn't that Spiderman's dialogue in Ultimate Spiderman?**

_You saw that episode which had our own Deadpool in it?_

"Not that I didn't like the screen time, but seriously, Disney has killed me… KILLED ME I SAY."

While more AIM troopers came forth, and their leader aimed his pew pew gun at him, Deadpool did the only thing possible.

He jumped out of the window.

"THERE WAS A WINDOW?!" He yelled as fell.

**That's why descriptions are important.**

_Really, is there a writer that DOESN'T hate you?!_

As he smashed against the road, his mouth squeaked, "I doubt it."

_**SORRY 'BOUT THE LONG WAIT FOLKS. I WAS BUSY ON MY OTHER FANFIC, WHICH AVATAR AND DEADPOOL FAN MAY WAN TO TO CHECK OUT. IT'S CALLED AVATAR WORLD: DEADPOOLED. SO SEE YA ALL REAL SOON, YO!**_


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